Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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