Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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