i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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