It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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