he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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