no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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