He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
