you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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