Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
