Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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