it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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