Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
