Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
