Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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