Are we in a gay sports bar?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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