Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
