I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
