where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
