if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
