Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize