We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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