Sry I called you an 8
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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