We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
