Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
