Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I will pee on everything he values.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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