On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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