Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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