I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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