how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
