At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
