At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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