Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
