a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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