I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Text me some of your sweat
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