But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How external is "for external use only"?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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