take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
