The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
