did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is wine microwaveable?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
