I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
