so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize