I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
