So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
