Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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