Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
