I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
