There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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