we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
