The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
