Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
