Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
