You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
