Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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