Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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