The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
