why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
