i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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