So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
