I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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