Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
