Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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