It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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