You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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