I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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