Quick, to the slutcave!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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