i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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