Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
