I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
