She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
