Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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