Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
