The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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