It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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